Loneliness: A Wolf on the Prowl in the Concrete Jungle

A few months ago, I met an 80-year-old retired constable in a village of Uttarakhand. He was still full of energy and enthusiasm for life and had been running a small stationery shop since his retirement. 

During conversation, he told me that hardly one or two customers visited his shop in a day. However, many people dropped in just to talk. 

"These interactions keep me alive and aware of my surroundings," he said. "Besides, my work motivates me to get ready every morning. I may not be earning money, but I am earning relationships."

I may not be earning money, but I am earning relationships.

A. What is loneliness?

Loneliness is the gap between social connection you expect and you actually have. It is a subjective emotional experience. Everyone's expectations of social connection are different.

B. Prevalence

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO) 2025 report, one in six persons in the world feels lonely.

An online global survey conducted by BBC (2018) revealed that:

• Young people are lonelier than middle aged, middle aged are lonelier than the old. 

• Men are more frequently lonelier than women.  

• In individualistic society people feel lonelier than in a more collective society. (Psychology Today, June 9, 2020)

C. Three reasons why you want to be with friends

1. You are biologically wired for  social connection. Our ancestors have survived for thousands of years through social cooperation and group living. Being separated from the group meant no protection, no shared food and no opportunity to reproduce.

2. You need people to console you in difficult times. When you survive a plane crash but lose a leg, while other passengers lose their lives, you need someone to say - "Be happy, it is all by God's will." Ironically, you believe it too!

3. You need friends to laugh at your silly jokes.

D. What causes loneliness?

The following factors may contribute to loneliness:

Poor health

Shiftting to a new place with different culture and language

Losing a job

Break-up or bereavement 

Retirement

Growing urbanisation

Discrimination based on race, gender, immigration etc.

Digital communication replacing face-to-face contact

Lack of  recognition for one's perceived talents 

E. Health implications of loneliness

A Harvard Study of Adult Development (begun in 1938 and still ongoing) found that close relationships more than wealth, fame or social status are the strongest predictors of longevity and good health.

"Loneliness kills; it is as powerful as smoking or alcoholism." (Robert Waldinger, the fourth Director of the Harvard Study)

The Blue Zones research (2005) found that strong social connections are central to longevity and good health.

Loneliness may create a vicious cycle of physical and mental behaviour. Loneliness →physical inactivity/ poor sleep/ indiscriminate eating/ depression/ anxiety/ drug abuse/ crime →further loneliness.

F. The loneliness epidemic

Today, loneliness is no longer a private sorrow. Sensitive governments are recognising it as a major public health concern.

In 2018, the government of the United Kingdom appointed a Minister for Loneliness. Later, Japan and Australia introduced national strategies to address social isolation.

In 2023, Vivek Murthy, the US Surgeon General, called loneliness a public health epidemic and issued an advisory identifying loneliness and social isolation as serious threats to health.

G. What can we do at the individual level?

1. Be relevant:

Earlier, especially in villages, every member of the family had a role. Even a 70 or 80-year old would contribute by doing small household chores or supervising children. He remained happy, healthy and integrated into daily life of the family. 

In urban settings - now extending into rural settings -  many elderly people are heavily bored and  isolated with very little to do.

Find ways to remain relevant. Contribute to your family and society.

2. Be healthy and fit:

If you are ill, your companions will be masked nurses, doctors and moaning patients in nearby beds. If you are lucky enough to get a private ward in the hospital, you may feel even lonelier. The pity in the eyes of many visitors, though masked by words of love and care, can deepen your isolation.

Be healthy and join the celebrations of life!

3. Practice happiness:

Those who are lonely are seldom happy, and those who are happy are seldom lonely. 

Be happy. Even if you are not, pretend to be - no one can tell the difference.

Happiness attracts people - sometimes out of curiosity, sometimes out of jealousy.

4. Beware of intellectual isolation:

Being overly intellectual can make you lonely. Being pseudo-intellectual can make you lonelier. True wisdom deepens connection with fellow human beings; it does not create distance.

5. Reduce excessive use of technology:

Choose human contact over comfort. For example, use the stairs instead of the lift. The chances of breaking into conversation with someone beside you are higher while climbing stairs than while standing silently in a lift cabin.

6. Rethink the stigma:

Sometimes living in a good old-age home may be better than living with children.

7. Do something:

Action attracts people. The company of a person in action is far more enjoyable than that of someone who only talks. Hardly anyone is interested in a dancer until he steps onto the stage and begins to dance. 

8. Sculpt your life:

life is like a slab of marble. In the hands of Michelangelo, it transforms into a beautiful sculpture; in the hands of an ordinary mason, it becomes a kitchen slab.

When you work on expanding your imagination and upgrading your skills to sculpt your life, you will fall in love with your own company. You will never be lonely again.

9. Minimalism is good:

One good spouse, one good friend, and one good neighbor are better than one million faceless followers on Instagram. Invest in connecting with real people.

10. Go outdoors:

The more you visit parks, the less you may need to visit hospitals.

Sunlight and open space have a quite healing effect. Sunlight stabilises your body clock, lifts your mood and strengthens your immunity. Besides, when you step outdoors, you reconnect with something larger than yourself. Loneliness is overcome not only through human interaction but also through contact with nature.

11. Hobby:

Take up a hobby and enjoy it like a child playing on the beach - with complete absorption and no need for applause.

When you seek social validation in everything you do, you become dependent on others' approval. And, when that approval does not come as expected, the chances of feeling lonely increase.

12. Be generous:

Be a giver. Don't be a beggar. Don't ask others to understand you; understand others. Be generous with your time, attention, and money. 

Give hope - even if it is false. People will flock around you. This is the secret behind the success of politicians, religious preachers, motivational speakers, and cinema stars.

Shyam Chaturvedi 

Medical disclaimer - The blog content is provided for general educational purposes only. It does not substitute professional medical advice. Reader is advised to consult his doctor before starting any fitness and dietary program to avoid any health risks.

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